Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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