I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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