when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
