The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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