farters have to be the big spoon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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