Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
