I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
