his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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