Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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