I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
