We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
