my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
