I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
