We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
