spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
