i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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