Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
