Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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