we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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