We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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