It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
