Don't you send me to vm
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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