Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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