bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
