You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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