my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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