Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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