I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
