on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
