I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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