At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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