The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
