i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
