So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
