I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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