you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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