I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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