this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
