this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
