I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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