Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
