got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
