Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All the doctor said was why
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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