The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
