I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
