Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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