You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
