I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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