i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
