im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
