when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
